Note: I know Hash Trash has been lacking. That’s because we use to have a pretty decent hash scribe that went by the name of 8 lays a week. Unfortunately, her tits have shrunk and vagina has dried up and bitch can’t cum for shit anymore. Until I see her at a hash again, I will only refer to her as 0 lays a week. In the meantime, you get to enjoy my bad grammer and vulgarities.
I gotta admit, when Puppy Love Machine said we were running in the East, I was so nervous you would have thought I was walking backwards in a dildo testing facility with no pants on. You may think I’m over exaggerating, but I noticed Puppy and Just Corey didn’t take the risk of bringing pet dog Nomi by any of the Vietnamese restaurants last night. At first everyone was afraid of just disappearing in the Ghetto, but by the end of the trail, hashers were more afraid of alligators and not so random zombie attacks.
Puppy Love Machine needs a bit of tutorial when it comes to laying trail or we should listen better at chalk talk. Personally, we should get a personalized how-to manual. This is probably what would go in Puppy’s manual:
- BN stands for Beer Near which one goes searching around the parameter for it.
- (ex. SN is Shots Near) In this case, we were expecting beer truck since Voodoo hashers associate BN to beer truck. Poor untouched 12 pack left in the dust.
- BC is Beer Check. The beer visible to the eye. Hence, beer truck
- Whichy Way – his first mark is essentially 3 blocks away
- 5lbs flour apparently is enough for a 4.5 mile run. I think we had 5 lbs of flour used during chalk talk and about 5 dots of flour on trail.
- Hash mark can be thrown on trees but in this case, throw it high enough so that IME can’t even find it.
Thankfully, the first ½ of the 4 mile trail kept everyone together even though they were brewing with frustration, confusion, and regret. After the necessary “We’re lost” phone calls to beer hares Jizz Rag and Cocka-booty-boo, we ran forever down some desolate service road to the Beer Check which was near an abandoned amusement park once known as Jazzland. TWOT almost puked running for her life from an imaginary gator or a mutant nutria rat when she heard rustling along the levee that separated the swamp from the road. The hares went of to lay the final trail and had all of us running around like kids without parents in a post-apocalyptic playground, as we ran inside and around the park in our version of “zombieland.” Hashers slowed down to play around the bumper cars, swinging on the swings and hearing Enough All Ready saying she got her best cock from Peter Pan. In the meanwhile, a few eagle hashers found the On In and took the opportunity to use the flour sitting next to Just Corey’s car and gave it good caking. Big mistake, young hare! (Note: Hares. Never leave your flour unattended!)
Inside the park, there was a huge playground with 6 different slides coming out from all angles. Bumbletard had the urge to climb up inside and as he reached the top, he surprisingly discovered a 12 pack hidden by the hares. The hasher A.D.D. kicks in and said “Fuck trail, shiny beer up there!” We all managed to pile in and sang merrily to hash songs. On In was just outside the park entrance and we were greeted by the friendly cops who really were looking for drag racers. We safely ended up where we started for our circle and BB Dyke probably had his brain frozen as he make a gallant attempt to run circle with the assistance of Fill Me Up. There were three virgins in the East! Just Mark, Just Felicia, and Just Casey toughed it out for one of the most memorable runs to go down in Voodoo history. Just James was awarded his vessel and fucked up by pre-cumming before his song was sung. Speaking of songs, EBS brought in his handy dandy pocket sized songbook to help out the brain farts. Kudos to Chum Dumpster running over 50 hashes and major kudos to Puppy for bringing warm blankets to thaw out our appendages.
Fill Me Up has been up to no good.
You bring it, she screens it. If you bring any piece of clothing, she’ll get it screened with the Voodoo logo. The cost is $5. A small screen, a big screen, front, back whatever. If you want one, two, three or whatever screens. It’s $5 per shirt. The screen is only available in white. Shirts or jacket. No book bags, hillbilly shorts, hot pants, banana hammocks (I’m looking at you Bumbletard). $5 per shirt. The clothing is due by February 3rd. You can bring it to the hash earlier if you want.
She is also scoping out campsites for the Voodoo Camp Out this year. The cost hasn’t been set yet. It’s on the weekend of April fools. We’re looking for hares. We need them for Friday night, Saturday, and a Sunday hangover hash. If you want to hare any of those hashes, let me (Everything Butt Sex) know. Also, if anyone wants to hare a midnight hash, let me know. I’m also going to start looking into games we can play for the hash Olympics.
We need one (maybe a couple?) of hashers who want to take on the responsibility of song mister/song mistress. The job entails finding or creating hash songs and bringing them to circle each week. Half-Mind’s Song Book is located on his website. Warning, it’s a word document almost 800 pages long. It’s the most complete listing of hash songs I know of.
A bunch of you probably aren’t on Hashspace. This time of year when events start gearing up, you’ll see a lot more pictures and trash there. If you don’t have an account, e-mail email@example.com and we’ll send you an invite. Pictures of last night’s run will appear there.
Next week we’ll be in Gretna hoping that Bunk Bunk WHOOPS! and Bumbletard can put on a good show. The theme is “Da Westbank Bra.” Bunk Bunk’s virgin lay is over there to accommodate all you wankers who can’t come hash because of a little cold weather. For a group of fucking degenerates who probably like ice in or around their genitals ya’ll are some pussy little bitches when it comes to the cold. Get your asses out to the hash! FMU is bringing hash attire to sell so bring your pocket change. Also, we want to get another order of happi coats. They are $40 dollars and we currently have about 8 people out of the 15 needed.
Voodoo & NOH3 Cumming together 6pm TONIGHT
This Friday 1/14/11
Twelve Mile Limit Bar
500 S. Telemachus St.
New Orleans, LA. 70119
It is a block off of Banks St. (which makes it One Block from Finn Mc Cools) Between Banks and Tulane!
Everything Butt Sex and Teeny “Wiggly” On Top