Frequently Asked Questions
PLEASE DON’T BOTHER MISMANAGEMENT WITH BULLSHIT QUESTIONS,
read this page to make sure whatever you’re wanting to ask hasn’t already been answered.
If you still have questions, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Q: First of all, why is that guy wearing a necklace that says “Everything Butt Sex”?
A: If you’ve been hashing long enough, the group will bestow upon you the honor of your very own hash name. This is the name you will forever be known by to hashers worldwide. It is usually based on something particularly memorable that you’ve done or said. Obviously, hash names tend to be puns, double entendres, or just plain dirty.
Q: Why do I need to bring my ID?
A: Your ID is like a condom: best to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
Q: I don’t have a car. Can I get a ride?
A: The best way to find a ride is to send a message to the group on Facebook — you must have an invite from a current hasher before you can join the Facebook group.. There are also Uber and Lyft, which make lives so much easier now.
Q: I want to ride my bike/motorcycle/velocipede to the hash. Is there somewhere to stash my helmet/bag?
A: The beer truck is always available to hold bags. We encourage everybody to bring a bag with a towel and/or change of clothes since you will be sweaty and dirty by the end.
Q: When do you meet?
A: Every Thursday at 6:30pm. Try to show up between 6:30 and 7 for a pre-lube beer and chalk talk. If you’ve never hashed before, you WILL want to hear chalk talk. Just look for a bunch of people in crazy costumes standing around by a big cooler. The hare(s) take off just after 7. If you show up late and we’re gone, just follow the flour and catch up.
Q: What parts of town do you usually r*n?
A: It’s up to the hare; we hash all over the greater New Orleans area. Want more trails in your neighborhood? Quit yer bitchin’ and hare more.
Q: Are there walkers?
A: Yes. The hash welcomes people of all levels, from avid racist to slow and steady. Hares now are actually required to scout and lay a walkers’ trail. Walkers’ trails often feature the same marks as really-fast-walkers’ trails to ensure that everyone gets in on the fun.
Q: I’m out of shape. How far do y’all r*n?
A: R*ns vary in length, but we shoot for 3-5 miles of true trail. Obviously you run farther if you hit false trails and/or lots of checks. The best way to get in shape is to show up. ‘Pain is weakness leaving the body’ and all that jazz. Also, round is a shape, so you’re never out of shape.
Q: But I’m old.
A: Take your damn pills and come out anyway. We have a wide range of ages– all are welcome.
Q: Can I bring my dog?
A: Sure, but your dog MUST be on a LEASH at ALL times. Also make sure you bring water, poop bags, and water. Did we mention WATER? Yes, even in the winter. Dogs don’t sweat, it’s harder for them to cool down.
Q: Can I bring my kid?
A: No. Unless your kid is 21.
Q: I don’t drink beer. Is that okay?
A: We take it as a personal insult, but if you insist, we’ll let it slide. But just this once. (No seriously, you don’t have to drink beer. Or any alcohol, if you choose.)
Q: I’m going to be lame and not bring a six-pack of beer. Why do I suck?
A: Well, bring liquor, wine, or something else. If you can’t be nice and share, bring $10 instead of the $1 and a six-pack.
Q: Are y’all the group with the guys who r*n in skirts?
A: It’s a kilt, dammit.
Q: Are y’all the group who does the New Orleans Red Dress Run?
A: Sort of. We’re part of it (the Red Dress Run has its origins in the hash) but NOH3 organizes it.
Q: I just got some brand new shiny white r*nning shoes. Should I wear them?
A: Yes, yes you should. By the way, have you ever tasted beer filtered through a dirty athletic sock?
Q: Is there some way I can be notified of upcoming hashes?
A: If you don’t want to just check this site every week, the easiest way is to join the Facebook group, since trail info will be posted there. If that is too hard for you, or you’re a FaceSpace luddite, then email email@example.com and ask to join the mailing list. If you’re too lazy for THAT, you can (usually) call the hotline at (504) 419-VDH3 (8343) for this week’s trail info. As of Dec 2011, I have no idea if this number actually still works (it probably doesn’t). Call at your own risk. Everybody has a damn smartphone now anyway.