In a fitting tribute to the best holiday of the year (other than Mardi Gras, of course) today’s trail ran us past a haunted house and through cemeteries and desolate back alleys. It was truly a frightening trail because we had Licks Em Young, barely a veteran himself, trying to teach Just Jarvis the ways of the hare. Yet through some miracle the trail actually turned out half-decent! There were even a couple of YBFs thrown in there. Though there wasn’t nearly enough zig-zagging through gravestones and mausoleums in my opinion. It’s not that I like trampling the dead with utter disrespect, I just like dead women.
Enough about the trail, on-on to the circle, where we had another round of new Hash Namings! First off there was those two “wild and craaazy guys” from eastern Europe: Just Jakob and Just Nikola! Here they are in Hawaiian shirts. Notice the green bottles they’re drinking; what is that, Heineken? Czechvar? You and your imported pilseners… just for that they shall now be known as Check My Small Cockia and Eastern Cock Block! Then we had Just Kessyn who also had a pre-cooked name. Don’t ask me how or why, but he shall forever be known as Pusti Malaka (sp?), which means faggot masturbator in Greek, of course. Next up was Just Kristen, for whom we had a flurry of names: Tightens When Wet, 30-year-old Boobs, Cums With Camo… but the theme of cold and wet stuck, and we finally settled on Shiver Me Nipples! Also, a bonus: we got to name her dog Camo Toe. Last but not least we had Just Juan, who’s been running with us every so often since the earliest days of the VooDoo. And he still isn’t named, can you imagine that? We pulled this sinner into the circle and had his girlfriend Haf-Wax tells us all his most embarrassing stories, which involved urine way too often, for one thing (and yes, Wee-Blow Master’s camera just happened to catch him in the background “adjusting” himself). We had some great suggestions bounced around, like Polly Pissy Pants or Wet Dreams, and the final winner was Nocturnal Pisscharge! Congrats to all the newly baptised hashers!
Whew, that was a lot of work, all that naming! I think it’s time for a cold beer…
P.S. When you sausages get named, don’t forget to change your name on HashSpace, and if you’re not on HashSpace, give someone your email and they’ll shoot you an invite. Also, give Pastor Bait-Her your email if you want him to change how your name appears on the weekly Evite.
P.P.S. Tomorrow while you wankers are hashing I’ll be northbound on I-85 somewhere. Y’all had better look me up if you’re ever around Boston. It’s been real, and I hope to come see you all again real soon!