ATTN: New Orphans
If you’ve got no family in town or just want to disown them due to the embarrassing “he peed sitting down until he was 13” story, come to my house for our own Christmas. We can unwrap the FedEx and Amazon wrapped presents you either got from your weird uncle or bought for yourself. I’m not going to be cooking, but I will probably grab some finger sandwiches or some crap from Wal-Mart. Feel free to bring something to eat, but food isn’t really ever a priority at my house so it’s every man for himself. But, we can drank the day away and send mass texts to everyone in our phones to let them know how important they are to get a text from YOU on an actual government sanctioned holiday. Pretty much anybody is invited, provided they’ve taken a shower recently and somebody knows them, or somebody knows somebody that knows them , or we can 6 degrees them from Kevin Bacon.
Also, bring a wrapped/bagged bottle of liquor and we will have a white Santa exchange with them or whatever people call it, I forget. The trick to the game is: you can drink as much of the liquor you want until someone steals the bottle. So, if you’ve got that bottle of Chambord, enjoy the shit out of it until someone steals it, because someone is going to steal it.
Place: Dickies, (#212 on the gate buzzes me to buzz you in.)
Drink: bring what you want to drink, ill have ice and cups etc.
Food: Fuck food
Bring: a bottle of something for the gift exchange. (If you bring Thunderbird im kicking you in the ass.)
Bring: any wrapped presents or stuff you wanna open in front of other people.
Tags: Dickie Wongstockings