Our dear Brokeback Dyke is leaving us for the fine city (well, I assume it’s fine– I’ve never been there) of Aiken, SC. I found out from the archives of this website that he was named in March of 2010; that’s at least two years with the Voodoo, so let’s all gather to give him a proper farewell. Bye, Dyke!… Until the camp out, that is. You know you can’t get rid of him for too long! Until then– have fun with the Peach Fuzz H3 in Augusta, GA!

Date: Thursday, February 2, 2012

Theme: “Dykes”… Uh, I guess this means lots of Doc Martens and plaid flannel.
Start: Octavia St & General Pershing St, New Orleans, LA 70125
Time: 6:30pm show, 7:00pm go
Hares: Brokeback Dyke
Cost: $1 (no coins) and a 6 pack (or more if you plan to drink more)
Bring: Whistle, flashlight, dental dams
Note: BRING WATER FOR YOUR DOGS. And keep them on a leash.

Date: Thursday, January 19, 2012

Theme: “Rubber Ducks, Dicks and Chicks… Have one, bring one or be one… Water might be involved… Quack!”
Start: Goodwill – 3400 Tulane Avenue, New Orleans, LA
Time: 6:30pm get your ducklings in a row, 7:00pm shake a tail feather
Hares: Tidy Bowl Man
Cost: $1 (no coins) and a 6 pack
Bring: Whistle, flashlight, and maybe a change of shoes/clothes if you aren’t a waterfowl.

Need a beer hare for this trail! Contact Tidy Bowl: danheidel@hotmail.com or 504-452-6776

From the woman who brought you the infamous “Ninjas vs. Niggas”, this week’s trail has a far less offensive theme. Este semana, la rubia Mexican Gum Job y el guapo Just Cameron son sus conejos. ¡Acción, aventura, misterio, romance, y por supuesto… las cervezas! (I only took 3 years of Spanish in high school, this is the best I can do.)

Date: Thursday, January 12, 2012

Theme: Cowboys y Banditas
Start: Rock ‘n Bowl (yes, like in the Voodoo Hash song) – 3000 S Carrollton Ave, New Orleans
Time: 6:30pm show, 7:00pm out like a sperm from your papa’s pistola
Hares: Mexican Gum Job & Just Cameron
Cost: $1 (no coins, por favor) y 6 cervezas
Bring: Whistle, flashlight, train robbing equipment (ex: TNT, rope to tie up
hostages, red bandanas to cover your face)

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Happy New Year! You have a clean slate to sully up for 2012, so gear up hashers, since we have a full year of tampons-up-the-butt ahead of us.

First off, Jizz Rag is a terrible pace booty. White Girl Wasted fell on her booty 3 minutes into this trail.

Everything Butt Sex and Jefferson Starfish laid some terrible trail all along the Bayou last night. I hit not one, but two YBFs, and had to use technology to find out we were at least 1.5 miles from the first BN anyway. At the Mortuary!? I’ve never been so DFL in my life. We did enjoy watching a guy run sideways on a treadmill, who stopped as soon as we ran by and he realized he looked like a fool in the gym.

Half of the runners gave up on the second half of the trail when we ran into the walkers, and then we desecrated a couple of graves. Ass Burgler was accused of trail-pissing. Someone took a piss in circle. Voodoo Hash might have some bad juju coming its way, especially with Just Nkule taking photo-ops on fresh grave plots.

Circle produced one of the most interesting virgin sacrifices I’ve ever seen: Knave provided some lovely wine-soaked tampons for the poor bastard to suck on. He was nearly named Just Dirty Cotton Mouth after he threw it on the ground. Hashers not trashers, people. Tidy Bowl Man also presented us with Just Sean’s Lucidore mask and a 34A bra that apparently did not fit on Mexican Gum Job’s lovely rack. If you missed the flash, there’s plenty of free porn on the internet, but nothing beats beating it to a live show. Accusations were otherwise uneventful; we need to start acting up a bit more on trail to make circle interesting for the darn cold weather. Gum Job also got her 10 run candle this week, and Cock a Booty Boo also presented a few gris gris. We then got a guest performance from Spread ‘Em of monkey madness proportions.

On-After was generally quite tame, though I left early so who knows. A Lil Prick was all about buying Tin Roof’s Voodoo Beer, there was a live band in the back, and I realized that I wear bigger shoes than Tidy. Also, Bayou Beer Garden serves a damn good burger.

The end, until next time!
Just Rachel

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To celebrate the ringing in of 2012, Everything Butt Sex and Jefferson Starfish led us on a glorious re-hash (pun intended) of quite a few of 2011′s most memorable trails. We started off by the St. Louis Cemetery, and from there began a long series of deja vu moments for me. The first was crossing that damn bridge over Bayou St. John, I had flashbacks of the 200th trail. There were 3 marks after a YBF, which reminded me of the last White Girl Wasted / Reverse Cowboy trail. When we passed the bike shop, for a second I thought we were running that same Bumbletard 7-mile death march. Of course there was a good bit of gravel, which never fails to remind me of the trail Slam Bam Thank You Lamb/No Cunt Troll hared, where I broke in my brand new Vibram Five Fingers by running down train tracks for 2 fucking miles. There was another area we ran through that I know we had a beer stop at once before, I think last February, but too much alcohol has killed the brain cells that once held those memories. Too bad we didn’t end up lost by the river in waist-high “bog”, ’cause it would have nicely rounded out the evening.

We had virgins as FRB’s, so a lot of checks were kicked wrong or not kicked at all. I think these guys must have been given chalk talk by I.M.E. One time I shouted “RU?” and one of them, I swear to god, yelled “Yahtzee!”

After crossing Canal St. for the 669th time, we finally reached the beer stop. As we stood around and the minutes passed, a few of us noted that about 2/3 of the pack was missing. Slowly, they trickled in. A few people cited lack of flour. Which I knew was a false accusation, because the blobs I saw were like white elephant turds, practically incandescent in the street lamps. (Some of y’all need to TAKE NOTE and learn how to throw down flour, it ain’t like dusting a cupcake… but I digress.) Butt Sex reveals that they did not fully scout trail, and ended up running into a fence. “Didn’t you see the true trail arrow? it was on a wooden pallet so I could turn it in the direction that trail was actually going.” Yeah… nope. Eventually the stragglers showed up, and we could continue on.

Second half of trail was short. As usual, the FRB’s find true trail and neglect to kick the checks/whichy’s or blow whistles or really make any fucking sounds whatsoever. After running through Greenwood Cemetery (a severe lack of zombies on this Tour-de-Every Goddamn Cemetery in Mid-city) we ended up at on-in by yet another motherfucking cemetery, near Delgado. Halfway through circle, Chum Dumpster arrives in a car, looking rather triumphant for being DFL. Turns out this overachieving bastard ran all the way to City Park and stumbled upon Spread ‘Em, who was car-hashing. They had to navigate to the end following the sounds of our songs echoing through the neighborhood.

P.S. Knave, for God only knows what reason (and I’m sure God Herself doesn’t even want to know) brought tampons soaked in alcohol. One of the virgins– whose name escapes me but I’m bad with names ANYWAY– walked into circle and immediately dropped his pants (I guess he heard there was gonna be Butt Sex on this trail) then did a down-down by sucking the alcohol out of said tampon. When called back into circle, he voluntarily did it AGAIN. Y’all keep the name ‘Cottonmouth’ in your memory holes and let it marinate, a’ight?

Random accusations included pissing on trail (as Knave took a piss with his back to the circle) and a bra that was passed around like Cinderella’s glass slipper, but alas, it did not fit Mexican Gum Job’s boobies. Maybe her prince will cum next week! Of course it’s not a Voodoo unless the cops show up; in this case, a security guard from Delgado who was pretty amicable and actually let us get through all 500 verses of “Up Jumped the Monkey” (thanks, Spread ‘Em!) and “Swing Low” before we disbanded.

My new year’s resolution was to detox before Mardi Gras, but that still didn’t stop me from doing some cham-pan-ya down-downs, and writing a shitty hash trash when I got home.

on-on wankers,
Swamp Gravy

Run up those credit cards by buying me expensive, never ending, hash beer! Run because you don’t want your corpse to look like shit in 2013! Sing a high note just because your fellow hashers want to see you “O” face. If you thought hurricane parties were fun, wait till you cum to this week’s hash! It’s time to celebrate like it’s the end of the world!

on-on,
Everything Butt Sex

P.S. I know it sounds scary but you don’t need to worry. Butt Sex will help you make it through these rough times!

Date: Thursday, January 5th, 2012
Theme: Party, New Year, Hats, blowers, Cham-pain-ya, Undead
Start: 3439 Esplanade Avenue, New Orleans, LA. The Cemetary
Time: 6:30pm show, 7:00pm go
Hares: Everything Butt Sex & Jefferson Starfish
Cost: $1 (no coins plz) and 6 EXPENSIVE HASH BEERS (or that high life shit)
Bring: Whistle, flashlight, crucifix.

Date: Thursday, October 27, 2011

Theme: “Ghastly Gals and Halloweenies” – Everyone better have a freakin costume or they’re sitting on ice. No ifs, ands, or buts… well maybe some butts.
Start: Banks St. Bar and Grill – 4401 Banks St, New Orleans, LA
Time: 6:30pm show, 7:00pm go
Hares: Dick’s a Flava & Fried Chicken Snatch
Cost: $1 (no coins, please) and a 6 pack (bring more than 6 beers if you plan to drink more than 6 beers).
Bring: Most importantly, a FLASHLIGHT. You will need one — according to the hares, there will be obstacles on trail. But don’t worry, there won’t be any bogs this week. That I know of.

Other Shiznit: Cock a Booty Boo has discounted Renaissance Faire tickets for sale, $8 a piece. Also, we got some shiggy socks back in the haberdashery, they are $10 (NO COINS DAMMIT YA WANKERS).

Date: Thursday, October 6, 2011

Theme: “Show off them legs!” (And looking at how the weather’s going, it may indeed be the last time you get to show ‘em off this season!)
Start: The end of Banks St. by the cemeteries – Banks St. & S. Bernadotte St, New Orleans, LA 70119
Time: 6:30pm show, 7:00pm go
Hares: Tidy Bowl Man and a virgin sacrifice
Cost: $1 and a 6 pack.
Bring: ID, whistle, flashlight, blah blah, y’all know all this by now. I’m not feeling too creative this week because my brain has already clocked out and gone to Savannah.

Love ya, miss ya, see ya next week!
ON-ON TO INTERAMERICAS HASH 2011!
-Swamp Gravy

This week’s hash not only marks the 2 year anniversary of my virgin hash, but it is also my LAST HASH with the Voodoo. That’s right 2 short years ago Tempur-Penis convinced me to come run with his little “running group”. The theme was “Clue”, it was a scavenger hunt through the ruins of Gentilly, running through shaggy, abandoned buildings, jumping over fences into empty overgrown lots. I got lost in city park on my virgin hash but I was in good company with Pastor Bait Her, Tempur-penis and a couple others I don’t remember. I survived and did not need emergency medical services, however one hasher did – Just Tara, who after slicing her leg open on a neglected fence became forever known as Bloody Hole. Then there was the beer and the circle, I was hooked. The rest is history and I kept cumming and cumming …

Sadly, I will be leaving New Orleans and my beloved home hash for the beaches and sunshine of south Florida. Crash House Harriers welcome!

There are two other Voodoo hashers that will be leaving us as well this week. PS Knave is headed to Italy and Everything Butt Sex is going the farthest by far (insert sarcasm font) …. all the way to the northshore!

I expect all hashers to be in some sort of costume this week. Theme options include: Suits – birthday or swimming, Beaches, Favorite past hash theme (think back to your virgin hash days), Any costume in your closet that you wanna wear for the hell of it … the point is DRESS UP in something that is NOT everyday running attire.

Love,
Lick A Lotta Cock
P.S. – It’s my Birthday, Bitches!

Hare: Lick A Lotta Cock, TWOT
Theme: Just wear a damn costume!!! (Suits – birthday or swimming, Beaches, Favorite past hash theme (think back to your virgin hash days), Any costume in your closet that you wanna wear for the hell of it)
Location: Greek Orthodox Cathedral @ 1200 Robert E Lee Boulevard, New Orleans, LA 70122-1337
Cost: 6 pack and $1. No change!!!!!! Dollar, Dollar Bills Ya’ll.

Keeping up with tradition, we will have a Voodoo ceremony on Bayou St. John during the hash. Wear all white this week. Cum help us celebrate! Get your ass to the hash. Bring a 6 pack, $1, and be ready to fucking hash! It’s the 200th hash motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hares: TidyBowlMan, Fill Me Up, Mystery Hare
Theme: Voodoo Ceremony Attire (All white)
When: Thursday, June 23rd, 6:30pm show, 7:00pm geaux!
Where: Bridge in Bayou St. John, in front of Cabrini High School, 1400 Moss Street, New Orleans, LA

Bring: $1 and a 6-pack. whistle, flashlight, and some cash for a t-shirt ($10).

In order to celebrate all this multi-locational bullshit going about we’re meeting up in front of the Bulldog on Canal for Le Tour De Hash! Wear hash attire. If you have hash attire from a different kennel, even better! Bring your bathing suit. Princess Layless is extending his pool for a party AFTER the hash. Oh yeah, if you’re a hasher and you live in Lakeview, you may be a little nervous on Thursday…..

Two other Important things.
-If you haven’t done it yet. Sign up for the Voodoo Monkey
-If you’re interested in doing a hash skit. The first practice is this Friday. It’s at BrokeBack Dyke and Cold Wet Douche’s house in Mid-city at 6pm. We’re all chipping in 5-10 bucks, going on a beer run and having a hell of time making these things up. If you like standing in front of a hundred people, making an ass of yourself, drinking beer, and generally goofing off. You will probably want to be apart of this!!! Talk to me (Everything Butt Sex 985.789.7228) if you want to participate.

Hares: Everything Butt Sex, Princess Layless
Theme: Le Tour De France
When: Thursday, June 9th, 6:30pm show, 7:00pm geaux!
Where: Canal Blvd. In front of the Bulldog, in Mid-city

Bring: $1 and a 6-pack. whistle, flashlight, and a bathing suit with extra beer if you want to stay and swim.

on-on,
Everything Butt Sex