Hobo Rodeo

Hares: Hobo Rodeo, Undercummer, and Delayed Gratification
Theme: JESUS! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Son of God, Jesus. Could I be any clearer? We’ll have our own S&M Jesus, so you wankers better fucking represent with some creativity. I want to see Crowns of Thorns, Robes, Hippie Hair, Sexy Jesus, Fat Jesus, Buddy Jesus, shitty Kanye West Jesus…I want to be the largest group of running Jesi to have scared the shit out of tourists in the Quarter ever!
When: Thursday, May 19th, 6:30pm Show, 7:00pm Git!
Where: Armstrong Park Entrance (St. Ann and Rampart, by the Quarter).
Cost: Bring $1 and a 6-pack.

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Get your loaded dice and marked deck of cards out you group of wankers. Even if you have to lie, cheat, and steal, there is no reason for you to leave this hash without getting a little lucky!!!!

This week’s run has us meeting up at Blain Kern’s Mardi Gras world in the Warehouse district. You know the place. It’s where that Poseidon Statue is raping that giant gator pass door J at the end of the convention center.

Theme: Gambling, luck of the draw

Hares: UnderCummer (Virgin Lay?) & Hobo Rodeo
Start: Henderson St. & 1400 Tchoupitoulas New Orleans, LA 70130
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

On On,

Everything Butt Sex

So, I had some coffee and now I’m back on track. The theme is over the hill, kinda like old people, Ed McMahon, 50 hard candys that are all stuck together in an ashtray looking thing, or anything else you can freely associate with the number 50. There better be 50 hashers there, or I’m gonna make Hobo do a handstand down down. What else can I say? Free beer for anybody who shows up wearing a functioning catheter!  I’m not really feeling this write-up, so, go to verydemotivational.com and entertain yourselves until Thursday. ONON!!

Dickie

Theme: Over the Hill Hash
Hares: Dickie Wongstockings / Hobo Rodeo / someone that doesn’t want to run
Start: 1508 Gravier at Freret / Charity Hospital / CBD
Time: 6:30 show, 7:00 Go!
Pre-lube: Voodoo II, Perdido and barrone, $3 wells and other specials. Also, theres a pizza joint across the street.  .5 walking miles from start.

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming. If you  don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

I just talked to the lady at the facility, and even though their recording says no outside food and drink, what they really mean is, “Just give us a heads up about coolers.” Sweet. They need a two weeks notice for booking, and they are free for March and April as of now. So, I’ve gotten some suggestions for when and when not to have it, and these are our options thus far:

CAN
March 5th & 6th
March 12th & 13th (Note the 13th is the Irish Channel Parade)
April 9th & 10th

CAN’T
March 19th & 20th (VDH3 Campout)
March 26th & 27th (Pastor and Udderly’s Wedding–if neither of you are planning on doing this, let me know)
April 2nd & 3rd (CCC 10K)
April 16th & 17th (Personal Engagment, i.e. Pirate Weekend)
I’ll not even go into the Jazzfest Schedule…

They have weekday and weekend rates, but I don’t see this happening on a week night, so I’ve narrowed our options down to Friday and Saturday night ($24.45 + tax). And, apparently they will deliver us approximately two slices of pizza per person

So, with that in hand, y’all let me know what’ll work ASAP, so we can get this thing going. Again, it’s open to whoever, and if we don’t get enough, I’ll open it to all of NOH3, but I figured I’d let y’all have dibs first Our maximum is 1000, apparently, but I think a smallish group seems to work best. Either way, the more people that show, the more targets I’ll have to hit…

- Hobo

Hobo Contact info.
757-348-5373, or indy80@msn.com.

What’s that?  That’s the sweet, sweet sound of LASER TAG!  As I announced in Circle last night, I’m trying to get a group of people together to do some laserin’ and taggin’ over at Adventure Quest off of Clearview in March or April (in front of the Fox and Hound).

It goes like this:  I’ll be talking with the person who brokered the deal for our Kickball league this past June on the 23rd of this month, but we were privy to a nobody-but-us-allowed, overnight (Friday) experience (11p – 2a), wherein we needed a minimum of 25 people, each ponying up $24 bucks a pop, and in return we were allowed a ginormous (Webster has officially declared this a word now) bag of tokens with which to play Guitar Hero, DDR, Air Hockey, among other arcade favorites, too many Laser Tag bouts to count, and Bumper Cars.

You heard me:  BUMPER CARS.

Oh, did I mention we could bring whatever booze we wanted in with us, too?  Yeah.  So, we brought our coolers and cases of beer, acted like a bunch of drunken, tag-happy morons, and slammed the hell outta each other in the Bumper Car arena, all to the delight of the teenagers who were left in charge.  They eventually rounded us up at 2:30am, where we all were allowed to turn in our tickets for prizes.  I remember there being Pizza, and I’ll ask if that was part of the deal, or not.

So, since March and April are slow (weekends that will not work are 3/19-3/20, 3/27-3/28, 4/2-4/3, and I’m sure there are more), I thought if we got together now in time for me to ask about getting the same deal, we could do this reasonably quickly.  I know about 8 of you have already expressed interest, and since this is open to whoever wants to come (I’m not sure if they have a maximum limit, but I’ll ask), I think getting 25 is a no-brainer.

PS:  The only drawback is you need two hands to shoot with, so I’d suggest a Camelbak.  That is all.

HoboRodeo

‘La Virgina’ Just Sarah and the ‘more-experienced’ Mr. Dickie Wongstockings laid a somewhat visible trail through the CBD and FQ, only having lost THREE people by the end of Circle.  Since I.M.E. has already been named, this incident must later be noted for the namings of Just Carl and Just Jason (whose New Year’s Resolution to start showing up to the Hash on time was considered an EPIC FAIL since he only met us at the Beer Stop).

Also suspiciously absent from the Trail were late-cumming Wanker and Wankette Just Kim and Montana Boy Toy, who I suspect would have been there if they hadn’t embarked on a ‘Paleo-Diet’ just four days prior.  This makes sense if you think about it (or ask MBT.  He’s all about the details).  At least they brought their own beer (cups).  Moving on, Circle was a brief affair in which attendees and the angry (yet secretly longing to be with us) tour group behind us in Jackson Square were privy to the viewing of Cock-a-Booty Boo’s Sports Bra.  This would set a trend for the rest of the evening, after (nearly) the entirety of the evening’s frozen Hashcicles proceeded to stage a HOSTILE TAKEOVER (okay, maybe not so hostile) of Rotolo’s in the FQ.  Once there, Everything Butt Sex’s ‘Vaginas Are Awesome‘ shirt (talk about being the Village Bicycle) made its way through yet ANOTHER round of sweaty, beer-and-wine-soaked Hashers, in which we all finally got to see Chum Dumpster’s BODACIOUS TA-TAS (or for those of you who didn’t black out during the post-RDR pool party, the second time).  Apparently there was an On-After-After at Lick-A-Lotta Cock’s house, but for those still mesmerized by the sight of Chum’s TA-TA’s, there was nothing left to do but go home for the night.

Next week’s Hares will be Tidy Bowl Man (who, apparently, STILL KNOWS NUZZING!) and Puppy Love Machine, who had BETTER not fuck up. Again.  Just sayin’.

On-On!

Hobo Rodeo

And a note from Everything Butt Sex:

 

 
You can tell by picture B that it is a pretty even split by both men and women are fans of how Vaginas are awesome. I’m OK with this, but picture A is disturbing. It clearly shows that only 17% of the interactions that show how Vaginas are awesome are done by men. Do everything you can to improve that statistic today!

Hobo’s having a party!  That’s right, little wankerlings, she expects you to spend your New Year’s Eve in Mid-City Hashing with the Voodoo, with beer, booze, a plethora of snackies, and FIRE to follow.

“FIRE, you say, Hobo?”

“Yes.”

The Hash is an annual prelude to the lighting of the Mid-City Bonfire at Midnight on New Year’s Eve (a brisk ten minute walk from the house, if that).  So, avoid the shitty disaster that will be the Frat-Boy-laden French Quarter the day before the Sugar Bowl, and bring (six of) your favorite post-Hash tipples, that sweaty dollar you earned at Dixie Divas last night, a flashlight, and a GODDAMNED WHISTLE to help ring (or whistle) in the New Year (the one where the Saints go to the Superbowl).  ‘Nuff said.

Fuck City Hall. They have decided that since we, the residents of Mid-City, haven’t been able to raise the $10K in NOFD and NOPD fees in three days time, then we don’t get our Bonfire. Fuck ‘em. We don’t need their regulated fun. So, if anybody has any suggestions about building a small, unregulated fire in our backyard by which to dance around, let us know. Or if anybody has a small, portable fire pit that we might borrow, again, let us know. Regardless, there WILL BE A FIRE. We have sheet metal and starter logs. THIS WILL HAPPEN. And, no, the hostess is NOT freaking out. If nobody shows, we’ll understand, and will have to drown ourselves in sorrow with all of the deliciously boozy alcohol we’ve bought for y’all. Sad…

Hare: Hobo Rodeo
When: 6:30pm, December 31st (that’s New Year’s Eve for the chronologically Fuck-Tarded)
Where: 4222 Banks St. in Mid-City
Theme: Party Attire, Hash Attire, Father Time, or the New Year’s Baby
Costs: $1 and a Six-Pack

I, your friendly-ish local Pastor Bait-Her showed up a little before 6:30, and couldn’t believe my oh-so-beautiful eyes – early hashers! About 6 or 7 of them, all using NOST (New Orleans Substandard Time)!

I know that we’re usually a little late to start in general, but 7:00 rolled around and we had amassed a group of about 50 soon-to-be drunkards. The only problem was that we had no hares. They finally showed up, but much to my chagrin, they had no beer hare. Poor, poor Pastor.

Well, I rounded everyone up and gave our virgins – about 10 of them! – the chalk talk, and sent everyone on their way. Our relentless and mostly Zodiac-theme hounds seemed to find the beer stop without issue and the drinking resumed, fueled in part by the champagne and what may have been some sort of evil punch provided by one of our hares, Hobo Rodeo.

I didn’t actually have the punch but I do know that suspiciously shortly after it was presented, Tighter Twat joined Tidy Bowl Man and myself in the beer truck for the 2nd half of trail. Maybe it was the punch, maybe he’s just a pussy.

Maybe both, but we’ll never really know.

Well, the hounds made it to the ON-IN across the street from the Rouses on Carrollton without incident or stitches (*ahem* Just Tara). With everyone in, I started up the large but relatively well-behaved circle.

Circle was fun, but unfortunately lacked sufficient beer, so I had to cut it short(er), like I’ll try to do with the rest of this trash.

It took about an hour to introduce all the 2 million new boots (ok, closer to 10), we made the hares Hobo Rodeo and Whole Lotta Cum drink from someone’s costume accessory (a bucket at each end of a pole),  Dickie Wongstockings and a New Boot drank using the Sleeves Of Justice (twice!), and we baked Hobo Rodeo a cake using I’d say close to three pounds of flour and a whole Newcastle.

Perhaps most importantly, we brought Just Jorge, Just Erin, Just Kristen, Just Drew, and Just Tara into the circle. After a lengthy discussion, we brought them back, keeping Just Jorge and Just Drew and baptised them.

So from now on, Just Jorge is to be called Licks ‘Em Young:

And Just Drew is Two in the Mouth, Five in the Hole:

We have some good stuff for the others, who I am sure will be named soon. Like I said, we ran out of beer.

And I would have pushed for a name for Just Tara, but it didn’t feel right without Fill Me Up there. You see, on her virgin hash, Just Tara had a little run-in with a fence and had to get about 7 stitches in her shin. At the Red Dress, Fill Me Up insisted that she wait until the hash on Thursday, so she could take them out herself in circle.

The problem is, Fill Me Up was in Florida last night. Bad Fill Me Up, Bad!

Alright, wankies and gentlewanks, let’s all cum together to help celebrate Hobo Rodeo’s annual tooth-and-nail battle to stay on the right side of 30! Since this will be the last year before she sucCUMbs to the Dark Side, let’s all give her the moral support she needs by dressing in full Zodiac attire!

Call it ‘Costume Therapy,’ if you will.

There are TWELVE months to choose from, you lazy bastards, and if you need help remembering or otherwise never had time to learn of such Pagan-y goodness, then go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astrological_sign.

As usual, all should bring $1, a six-pack, and a pony with fancy ribbons in her mane…alright, just $1 and a six-pack.