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Happy New Year! You have a clean slate to sully up for 2012, so gear up hashers, since we have a full year of tampons-up-the-butt ahead of us.

First off, Jizz Rag is a terrible pace booty. White Girl Wasted fell on her booty 3 minutes into this trail.

Everything Butt Sex and Jefferson Starfish laid some terrible trail all along the Bayou last night. I hit not one, but two YBFs, and had to use technology to find out we were at least 1.5 miles from the first BN anyway. At the Mortuary!? I’ve never been so DFL in my life. We did enjoy watching a guy run sideways on a treadmill, who stopped as soon as we ran by and he realized he looked like a fool in the gym.

Half of the runners gave up on the second half of the trail when we ran into the walkers, and then we desecrated a couple of graves. Ass Burgler was accused of trail-pissing. Someone took a piss in circle. Voodoo Hash might have some bad juju coming its way, especially with Just Nkule taking photo-ops on fresh grave plots.

Circle produced one of the most interesting virgin sacrifices I’ve ever seen: Knave provided some lovely wine-soaked tampons for the poor bastard to suck on. He was nearly named Just Dirty Cotton Mouth after he threw it on the ground. Hashers not trashers, people. Tidy Bowl Man also presented us with Just Sean’s Lucidore mask and a 34A bra that apparently did not fit on Mexican Gum Job’s lovely rack. If you missed the flash, there’s plenty of free porn on the internet, but nothing beats beating it to a live show. Accusations were otherwise uneventful; we need to start acting up a bit more on trail to make circle interesting for the darn cold weather. Gum Job also got her 10 run candle this week, and Cock a Booty Boo also presented a few gris gris. We then got a guest performance from Spread ‘Em of monkey madness proportions.

On-After was generally quite tame, though I left early so who knows. A Lil Prick was all about buying Tin Roof’s Voodoo Beer, there was a live band in the back, and I realized that I wear bigger shoes than Tidy. Also, Bayou Beer Garden serves a damn good burger.

The end, until next time!
Just Rachel

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To celebrate the ringing in of 2012, Everything Butt Sex and Jefferson Starfish led us on a glorious re-hash (pun intended) of quite a few of 2011′s most memorable trails. We started off by the St. Louis Cemetery, and from there began a long series of deja vu moments for me. The first was crossing that damn bridge over Bayou St. John, I had flashbacks of the 200th trail. There were 3 marks after a YBF, which reminded me of the last White Girl Wasted / Reverse Cowboy trail. When we passed the bike shop, for a second I thought we were running that same Bumbletard 7-mile death march. Of course there was a good bit of gravel, which never fails to remind me of the trail Slam Bam Thank You Lamb/No Cunt Troll hared, where I broke in my brand new Vibram Five Fingers by running down train tracks for 2 fucking miles. There was another area we ran through that I know we had a beer stop at once before, I think last February, but too much alcohol has killed the brain cells that once held those memories. Too bad we didn’t end up lost by the river in waist-high “bog”, ’cause it would have nicely rounded out the evening.

We had virgins as FRB’s, so a lot of checks were kicked wrong or not kicked at all. I think these guys must have been given chalk talk by I.M.E. One time I shouted “RU?” and one of them, I swear to god, yelled “Yahtzee!”

After crossing Canal St. for the 669th time, we finally reached the beer stop. As we stood around and the minutes passed, a few of us noted that about 2/3 of the pack was missing. Slowly, they trickled in. A few people cited lack of flour. Which I knew was a false accusation, because the blobs I saw were like white elephant turds, practically incandescent in the street lamps. (Some of y’all need to TAKE NOTE and learn how to throw down flour, it ain’t like dusting a cupcake… but I digress.) Butt Sex reveals that they did not fully scout trail, and ended up running into a fence. “Didn’t you see the true trail arrow? it was on a wooden pallet so I could turn it in the direction that trail was actually going.” Yeah… nope. Eventually the stragglers showed up, and we could continue on.

Second half of trail was short. As usual, the FRB’s find true trail and neglect to kick the checks/whichy’s or blow whistles or really make any fucking sounds whatsoever. After running through Greenwood Cemetery (a severe lack of zombies on this Tour-de-Every Goddamn Cemetery in Mid-city) we ended up at on-in by yet another motherfucking cemetery, near Delgado. Halfway through circle, Chum Dumpster arrives in a car, looking rather triumphant for being DFL. Turns out this overachieving bastard ran all the way to City Park and stumbled upon Spread ‘Em, who was car-hashing. They had to navigate to the end following the sounds of our songs echoing through the neighborhood.

P.S. Knave, for God only knows what reason (and I’m sure God Herself doesn’t even want to know) brought tampons soaked in alcohol. One of the virgins– whose name escapes me but I’m bad with names ANYWAY– walked into circle and immediately dropped his pants (I guess he heard there was gonna be Butt Sex on this trail) then did a down-down by sucking the alcohol out of said tampon. When called back into circle, he voluntarily did it AGAIN. Y’all keep the name ‘Cottonmouth’ in your memory holes and let it marinate, a’ight?

Random accusations included pissing on trail (as Knave took a piss with his back to the circle) and a bra that was passed around like Cinderella’s glass slipper, but alas, it did not fit Mexican Gum Job’s boobies. Maybe her prince will cum next week! Of course it’s not a Voodoo unless the cops show up; in this case, a security guard from Delgado who was pretty amicable and actually let us get through all 500 verses of “Up Jumped the Monkey” (thanks, Spread ‘Em!) and “Swing Low” before we disbanded.

My new year’s resolution was to detox before Mardi Gras, but that still didn’t stop me from doing some cham-pan-ya down-downs, and writing a shitty hash trash when I got home.

on-on wankers,
Swamp Gravy

Run up those credit cards by buying me expensive, never ending, hash beer! Run because you don’t want your corpse to look like shit in 2013! Sing a high note just because your fellow hashers want to see you “O” face. If you thought hurricane parties were fun, wait till you cum to this week’s hash! It’s time to celebrate like it’s the end of the world!

on-on,
Everything Butt Sex

P.S. I know it sounds scary but you don’t need to worry. Butt Sex will help you make it through these rough times!

Date: Thursday, January 5th, 2012
Theme: Party, New Year, Hats, blowers, Cham-pain-ya, Undead
Start: 3439 Esplanade Avenue, New Orleans, LA. The Cemetary
Time: 6:30pm show, 7:00pm go
Hares: Everything Butt Sex & Jefferson Starfish
Cost: $1 (no coins plz) and 6 EXPENSIVE HASH BEERS (or that high life shit)
Bring: Whistle, flashlight, crucifix.

One thing I noticed is Voodoo doesn’t have a walking trail, but multiple over achievers showed up in walking cast. Apparently, one too many people are strapping themselves into the sex swing wrong. Proper use will be demonstrated at Interhash next week, at the Best Western! Before I start with the calendar I wanted to send out congratulations to our newest named hashers, Fist and Release, and Mexican Gum Job.

Random Idea:
Anyone going to Voodoo Fest? You should do a hash on the fair grounds. I’m sure we’ll have visiting hashers from all over that weekend. Set it up, we’ll announce it!

Texas Hold ‘em Fundraiser for Chopenis
http://www.socializr.com/event/142298693/1272725225
Friday, Oct 21, 2011 (7:00 PM) at The Brady’s 5908 Garfield St., New Orleans, LA
It’s a $75 buy in, 43 people are signed up so far. Sign up to help Chopenis and win some cash.

Girls on the run Fundraiser
Let’s face it, we all love female runners. Something great about a random chick cumming at you with a pony tail, sports bra, and running shorts. Support that shit. October 19th, Reginelli’s is going to donate a percentage of all sales from all stores all day.

InterAmerica’s Hash
Just the most fun you can have on two legs, your back, up against a wall, in public, in a corner, in a pool, and other various locations and positions in Georgia. If you don’t already have a rego, sorry it’s sold out.

Black Dress Run
Voodoo Tradition, It’s on All Saints day. Black Dress Required. No Black Dress, no hash!

New Orleans H3 moved to Saturdays at 2pm.
New Orleans H3

Another link to Swamp Gravy’s Hash Hymnal
http://sarahbolton.net/misc/hashhymnal.pdf

Last thing I Promise
If you are only checking facebook for updates, chances are you may be missing out. Sign up for our mailing list at voodoo.hash@gmail.com. Use Facebook for hash banter, links, and all the other random crap in your lives. If you are a redditor, check out reddit.com/r/hashhouseharriers

Really, the last thing I Promise
If you have something you want to put on our calendar, and e-mailed to everyone, the best way is to email voodoo.hash@gmail.com. At the end of circle, a lot of people are buzzed and busy trying to spoon some random hasher. Please try to limit it hasher type things. Sex, drinking and running events are always welcome. I love pictures of random naked chicks in the e-mail box too.

Thanks for reading assholes! See ya’ll during or after Interhash.

on-on,
Everything Butt Sex

In order to celebrate all this multi-locational bullshit going about we’re meeting up in front of the Bulldog on Canal for Le Tour De Hash! Wear hash attire. If you have hash attire from a different kennel, even better! Bring your bathing suit. Princess Layless is extending his pool for a party AFTER the hash. Oh yeah, if you’re a hasher and you live in Lakeview, you may be a little nervous on Thursday…..

Two other Important things.
-If you haven’t done it yet. Sign up for the Voodoo Monkey
-If you’re interested in doing a hash skit. The first practice is this Friday. It’s at BrokeBack Dyke and Cold Wet Douche’s house in Mid-city at 6pm. We’re all chipping in 5-10 bucks, going on a beer run and having a hell of time making these things up. If you like standing in front of a hundred people, making an ass of yourself, drinking beer, and generally goofing off. You will probably want to be apart of this!!! Talk to me (Everything Butt Sex 985.789.7228) if you want to participate.

Hares: Everything Butt Sex, Princess Layless
Theme: Le Tour De France
When: Thursday, June 9th, 6:30pm show, 7:00pm geaux!
Where: Canal Blvd. In front of the Bulldog, in Mid-city

Bring: $1 and a 6-pack. whistle, flashlight, and a bathing suit with extra beer if you want to stay and swim.

on-on,
Everything Butt Sex

UPDATE: CAP IS REMOVED. We’ll keep it open until June 20th! Sign up now!!!

The Brass Monkey H3 and the Voodoo H3 proudly bring you the first in what will no doubt be a yearly event full of awesomeness! If you are all about the running and no so much the drinking and debauchery, this is sooooooooo not the event for you.

WHEN: July 29-31, 2011

WHERE: New Orleans, LA

WHY: Really? Do you care?

PRICE: $20.00 – FIRST 75 PEOPLE ONLY!

We;re excepting regos until June 20th. What will that include? You will get an AMAZING T-Shirt (Men’s sizes only!), a LIFE CHANGING patch, and the possibility of other little gimmies! After 100 people, you can still attend, but no gimmies are guaranteed! You will pay $10.00 for the Saturday hash and then however much more you need for Hookers, er, Horse Drawn Carriage rides, either way.

BELOW IS A TENTATIVE SCHEDULE OF EVENTS. (There might even be MORE crap you get to do!)
Thursday July 28 – Get the Party Started
6:00 pm – Voodoo H3 Weekly run ( New Orleans , LA)
7:00 pm – BMH3 pre-lube (Maybe a Pub-Crawl, maybe a Sexy Party, we’ll see)

Friday July 29 – French Quarter Pub Crawl (Theme: TBD)
10:00 am– BMH3 departure for NOLA from the Retard Compound in The Woodlands, TX.
5:30 pm – NOH3 Happy/Social Hour
7:00 pm – Pub Crawl through the French Quarter. (Start Point TBD)

SaturdayJuly 30 – Café du Monde Hash & Locals Night (Theme: TBD)
10:00 am – Meet at Café du Monde for world famous beignets and coffee.
11:00 am – Gather and chalk talk for hash. (Start @ Café du Monde… maybe. Wouldn’t YOU like to know!)
11:30 am – Pack off!
2:00 pm – 5:00 pm – Enjoy your day around NOLA; get a muffaletta at Central Grocery.
6:00 pm – Meet for dinner and pre-lube for locals night pub crawl
7:00 pm – Pub Crawl is off!

Sunday July 31 – Hangover Hash
11:00 am – Hangover hash at TBA location. (Chance of a POOL!)

CONCERNED HASHER: But wait! I want to be one of the first 75 people so I get these awesome things to complete my life! Is there still time?? WHERE DO I GO?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

COCKTOR SPORK: Calm down, friend, it is okay! There is still room, and still time! We just opened registration up TODAY! You can register for the event via HashSpace, under Haberdashery – Event Regos – US – South – First Anal Voodoo Monkey: July 29-31 2011.

CONCERNED HASHER: But wait! I don’t have a HashSpace account! My commune does not believe in labeling yourself with usernames!!!!

COCKTOR SPORK: Calm down, friend, it is okay! You can just click on this link and it will take you happily on your way! https://store.hashspace.com/product.php?productid=16635&cat=291&page=1

CONCERNED HASHER: But wait! How do I pay? Do you accept pesos? Or bits of string? I can’t use Credit cards over the internet because I don’t want the MAN to be able to trace me!

COCKTOR SPORK: Calm down, friend, it is okay! There are a few ways to pay! You can pay online via PayPal (send to jwheeler142000@yahoo.com), you can send a check to the address listed on the Event Rego page, or you can give CASH or CHEQUE to one of the people running this BIOTCH! Not sure who that is? Ask Miss Cleo.

CONCERNED HASHER: But wait! What about lodging? Crashspace? Hotel? Drunk tank?????

COCKTOR SPORK: Calm down, friend, it is okay! There will most likely be crashspace (there might not be any walls, though.) We are currently looking into getting hotel rooms blocked off for us at an awesome rate, but the details are not yet… detailed. There will be upcoming event information on:

The Brass Monkey Blog: http://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/
The Brass Monkey Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_230155040942
The Voodoo Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_95805992682
The Voodoo Home Page: http://voodoohash.com
And there will probably be updates through the Yahoo! Groups. We have like 2 months, it’ll be okay.

Hopefully that will answer all of your questions! If not, you can e-mail me, Cocktor Spork (CocktorSpork@yahoo.com), or Everything Butt Sex (dgaspard@gmail.com). If we can’t answer your questions, we can at least sing you a show tune.

Just remember (In that ‘sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!’ voice):
REGISTER HERE: https://store.hashspace.com/product.php?productid=16635&cat=291&page=1
REGISTER HERE: https://store.hashspace.com/product.php?productid=16635&cat=291&page=1
REGISTER HERE: https://store.hashspace.com/product.php?productid=16635&cat=291&page=1

ON-ON to the FIRST ANAL VOODOO MONKEY!
Cocktor Spork

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Hares: Everything Butt Sex, Just Allison (Virgin Lay)
Theme: Togas!
Time: THURSDAY, MARCH 31st 6:30pm show, 7:00pm GO!
Where: Lafayette Square

Bring $1 and a six pack, or Butt Sex will make it hard for you sit down for a week!

View Larger Map

We took the cop’s advice and hashed 13 extra blocks, moving us from 11th crappy ass Ward to the 10th. What we found out is that the 10th Ward (i.e. district for you foreigners) is rather a good spot to host a bunch of overgrown children who likes to dress up and be obnoxious without buzzkill interruptions.

Circle went on forever last night, and it was awesome, however RA BB Dyke should learn how to use people’s hash names instead of their nerd names. He was pretty smashed towards the end. Ziggy Zaggy! Ziggy Zaggy! Oy! Oy! Oy! We had visitors from Biloxi and California. We learned about wallflowers. We had virgin asses. We had a caking. We found out which newly named harrierette has the hots for Just Matilde. We appointed a new Hare Raiser. We gave our FRB (Front Running Bastard) a new trophy. We had one harrierette ball gagged and on her knees. We had a last minute visitor who stuck around and danced in the circle before Cock-a-Booty Boo showed him the pimp hand. We also had 3 awesome namings! 2 at circle and 1 at on after.

Our new hare raiser is Eyes Up Here! If you want to hare a hash, get with him!

Lick’s Em Young has a new Trophy he must carry during every hash until someone beats his racist ass.

From hence forth, Just Divya is now known as The Black Labia; Just Casey is now known as Under his Erection; and Just Leah is now known as Fried Chicken Snatch.

A special shout out to Just Lua finally getting named to Delayed Gratification last week.

Back to circle. Did anyone see Lick A Lotta Cock last night? That bitch wouldn’t shut up during circle, so it was my pleasure to shove one of my balls in her mouth. She told me later that she kind of liked it, but needs me to build up and prepare her for it next time. Also, last night I learned I do love gagging a harrierette while she’s on her knees.

Let’s talk about the birthday slut, 8 Lays a week. She quickly happily dropped down to her knees while 30 people surrounded her, eager to make her look like the star of bukkake video. For anyone who has forgotten, what doesn’t go in you, goes on you! With that I wish her one more very Happy birthday and Fuck you!

Here is a picture of the next round of “Just” in the group. Start cumming up with names for this crew you fucking wankers.

With all of this going on I should talk a little bit about trail.

We had a special Lucky Charm check. A few hashers stood in line and thought they were going to get lucky. Unfortunately, the only harrierette that would pair up in our little flour colored clover was Batteries Not Included. In almost two years I haven’t seen hashers run so fast

I take that back. I have seen hashers run that face. It happened every time T.W.O.T would scream YBF or on left from the back of the pack for no apparent reason. How do you make a clusterfuck more confusing? Add a tiny little french-asian.

A little reward happened for some short cutting bastards last night. We zigged left at a YBF, and we saw No Cunt-Troll drinkin’ it up for St. Patrick’s day. She screamed, “BEER NEAR” so all the hashers turned around. She emerged from her humble abode with some coconut flavored mixed drink and poured several shots into hashers mouths from her balcony.

On after was held at 8 Lay’s crib. Whoever went to Tracey’s was misinformed since you all missed the third best thing of T.W.O.T.s you could put in your mouth…her cabbages. (the other two things taste asian) She’s like Irish lo mein.

On-On from your bottom loving duo,
Everything Butt Sex & T.W.O.T.

Princess Bunk Bunk Whooooops

The trail was cold, wet, and douchey. So we all know what it felt like to be Cold Wet Douche, who in fact was sick and still made it out one of shiggiest trail laid by hares, Everything Butt Sex and Jefferson Starfish. There’s no excuse for the lame hashers who whined about the cold and stayed home.  The weather was in the low 30s with icy winds that felt like a million knife cuts and with sleet to follow.  The trail felt like we were preparing for Warrior Dash minus the fire jumping part. Let me mentally paint this picture for you of what took place. We were greeted with a 10 foot drop from a muddy cliff and once we hopped down uninjured, the journey got intense.  We cursed when we got caught in thorny paths, cursed when we fell (I did at least), cursed when we had to plow through the trail with our 5lbs of mud caked on our shoes, cursed when we almost lost our shoe, cursed when we had to one by one scale a fence to cross over a mini ravine, cursed when we were caught in barbwires, cursed that we had to crawl under fence, cursed when it started raining and cursed when we couldn’t find trail. We would curse more at Everything Butt Sex if he made us crawl through a rank sewer if Starfish didn’t talk him out of it.  When it was all over and the incessant cursing ceased, realization sets in.  It was one of the most challenging and rewarding hashes to encounter (with the exception of the Lake P swim which only one person and two hares completed).  Shiggy trail are few and far between these days since we don’t really have much of a terrain except for obstacles like New Orleans’ potholes and vehicles.  Future hares, we dare you to get creative and make sure it’s legal…(a’hem, Zombieland) By the way, Starfish and EBS finally got all of us wet. Great teamwork. On after got moved to Parlay’s and got interesting as some hashers found the diva in them at karaoke night. Oh and this is Eyes Up Here’s idea of representing Wu Tang Clan. Is that a W or a heart?

On-On,

TWOT

Eyes Up Here is a Care Bear!

on-on,
Everything Butt Sex

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle! If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

Hare: Everything Butt Sex, Jefferson Starfish
Theme: Wu-tang Clan, Disney Princess
Location: Shimmy Shack, 1855 Dock Street, New Orleans, LA
Time: THURSDAY, February 3rd. 6:30pm Show. 7pm, Go!

View Larger Map

However, I’m French…

#39 http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/29/38-netflix/
#11 http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/20/11-asian-girls/

Drinking to you Cho,

Teeny Weeny On Top

*So bring an extra $1 on top of your usual $1 and 6 pack to make an awesome donation. Also, don’t forget that Fill Me Up will be collecting whatever clothing you bring to be screen printed with our signature Voodoo logo. It’s $5 per logo. Just bring tons of cash if you can’t figure it out.

**Saturday, we will need some help in moving Chopenis’ furniture out from his house. Got a truck? Got muscles? Get in touch with me. He would definitely appreciate it.