Date: Thursday, October 13, 2011

Theme: “Shirts off, and on-on!”, or, “go topless”.
Start: City Park Ave & N Carrollton Ave, New Orleans, LA 70119 (City Park side)
Time: 6:30pm show, 7:00pm go
Hares: The Ambiguously Gay Duo (Just Randy & Just Chris)
Cost: $1 and a 6 pack. And I mean a 6 pack BESIDES the hares’ abs.
Bring: ID, whistle, flashlight, the usual. I’m not feeling too creative this week either because my brain is fried from IAH. (Speaking of IAH: start saving your pennies now, because 2013′s event will be in Panama! [No, not Panama City Florida, you redneck bastards.] When they eventually update the info @ IAH2013.com, I was told that rego will be $169 ’til the end of the month. Almost as cheap as those of us who put in early bids. ;D)

Someone make the hares drink for this shit.

Everything Butt Sex: What is the theme and locations this week?
Eyes Up here: Marconi and Harrison, near the abandoned buildings. The theme conspiracy theory.
Everything Butt Sex: Conspiracy Theory. What’s that mean?
Eyes Up here: Dunno. I haven’t been able to come up with anything?

I swear to G himself, some of you wankers try and make this shit difficult on me. If you don’t have a costume or hash attire this week. Make the hares drink! Hopefully their shitty trail be better than their shitty theme!

Hares: Eyes Up Here, Under His Erection
Theme: Conspiracy Theory
When: Thursday, June 2nd, 6:30pm show, 7:00pm geaux!
Where: Harrison Ave & Marconi Dr New Orleans, LA 70124

Bring: $1 and a 6-pack. whistle, flashlight, and mosquito spray, sunscreen, and water highly recommended. Suppose to be 95 degrees soon.

YBF’d by T.W.O.T

Hare: Eyes Up Heeeere!
Theme: Hash Attire
When: Thursday, March 24th, 6:30pm Show, 7:00pm Geaux!
Location: Marconi Dr & Victory Ave (Across Delgado)

Bring $1, 6 pack of fav beer, whistle and FLASHLIGHT! If you forget to bring beer, then I suggest allowing the beer hare to smack you in the nether regions and pay a fine.

IMPT: Don’t forget to bring your Camp Out $ and registration form by Thursday if you want to get your gimmes, Lazy Bastards.

View Larger Map

“Born-again Virgin Hare? How is this possible?” I hear you cry.

Well, remember when Erectiaphobia (his wife) and I drug you through City Park the other week? Well, he was supposed to hare but came down with the plague, so she stepped up.

Well, it seems there’s nothing to save us now – he’s determined to hare and ready to go. Oh, and it’d be wise to wear scrubs / shiggy socks / etc. Just Mike seems to like the idea of going headfirst into the bush, ya heard?

And just to be perfectly clear on the new “I suck and Didn’t Bring a Six-Pack” policy – IF YOU DON’T BRING BEER, YOU’RE PAYING 10 GORRAM DOLLARS OR GETTIN’ THE HELL OUT! Repeat offenders will be denied beer. For serious.

Theme: “First Laid” – Doctor, Nurse, Virgin, etc …
Location: City Park Peristyle ( by the Tennis Courts – Dreyfous off Anseman )
Time: Usual, 6:30 p.m. meet with hare away at 7:00 p.m.
Hare: Just Mike (virgin lay!) and Tidy Bowl Man

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then bring $10, you ugly bastard.

the theme is now “Shitty Park”. Looking at the weather forecast, it’s supposed to start raining Wednesday evening, and not stop till some time on Friday. Awesome.

One way or another, my dear chickens, plan on getting wet. I’m not saying you’re going to go swimming, but look at it this way:
1) It’s City Park – there’s normally a lot of water.
2) If it lets up just before the hash, it’ll still be all puddly and soggy and shit
c) It could very well rain during the hash.

It’s Louisiana – it tends to rain.

As far as themed attire, well I’m at a loss. You could dress up as anything shitty, whether it be an actual pig, or bacon, or Windows ME, or soon-to-be-ex-Mayor Nagin, or bacon vodka.

Mmmm, bacon vodka. If nobody shows up as bacon vodka, then someone better at least bring some. If you do however show up as bacon vodka, well, I guess you’d better bring some anyways.

Oh, and did I mention it’s Just Mike’s (Erectia’s hubby) virgin lay? Well, it is!

Theme: “Shitty Park” – seriously, look three lines up.
Location: Across from the driving range on Filmore Ave. in City Park
Time: Usual, 6:30 p.m. meet with hare away at 7:00 p.m.
Hare: Just Mike (virgin lay!) and Pastor Bait-Her

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer, forget that six dollar thing. IF YOU DON’T BRING BEER, YOU’RE PAYING 10 GORRAM DOLLARS OR GETTIN’ THE HELL OUT!

Hike up those halter tops and step into those strappy shoes, my young, well-hung sausages, because this week’s hash is going to be an all-out, no-holds-barred, no-groping-barred DRAG RACE! And by this I mean a race to freak out as many families as possible while they’re just trying to enjoy a nice evening in City Park. So don’t come dressed in a NASCAR jumpsuit; we’re talking drag queens here. If you can’t think of anything to wear, just think “WWNCTD?” (What would No-Cunt Troll do?) And bring your transvestite friends, they’ll fit right in.

The hash will start in front of NOMA in City Park, will be an A to B with transportation back to the start, and will be live-hared by the fabulous drag duo of Erectiaphobic and Lack-a-Virgin.

So don your most implausible wig, paint your face with garish makeup, pull on a tutu, do whatever you gotta do to make sure YOU are the belle of the ball! (or is that the belle with the balls?… hmm)

Hares: Lack-A-Virgin, Hey! and Erectiaphobic (Virgin Lay!)
When: October 22nd, 6:30 pm
Where: New Orleans Museum of Art, Mid-City
Theme: Drag Queen Racing

As always, the hash costs $1 and a six pack. If you don’t bring beer, we’ll look at you funny, and reluctantly accept $6 instead. If you don’t bring a flashlight and a whistle, don’t come crying to me if you fall in some hole in city park and they find your bones 30 years from now… along with a pair of stripper heels.

On-On,
Lack-a-Virgin, Hey!

Today we had a mystery hare… we wouldn’t find out what asshole was about to lead us astray until we got there.  This fellow decided to conceal his identity because he’s been a backslider who hasn’t attended a hash in about a year! No WONDER he was so ashamed to show his pathetic face!  Who was this puzzling persona, this questionable queer, this mysterious mortal?  It was Tandy Ass!!! And he talked his lovely bride, Just Andee, into being beer wench.

So how was this enigmatic trail, you ask?  Eh.  It was alright.  We pranced around the northern end of City Park a bunch.  Every so often we encountered a “Mystery Check,” which was a question mark inscribed in a check circle.  Somewhere near the Mystery Check we would find a Clue-style weapon.  In all, we found two guns (squirt guns, duh), a wrench, a candlestick, and some rope.  There was also a pipe which we missed (or maybe we just thought it was part of the general New Orleans rubble).  Unfortunately, we didn’t run through any billiard rooms or conservatories.  Then, somehow, near the end of trail a huge pack of hounds fell hopelessly behind and got lost.  At least 10 minutes after finishing those wankers still hadn’t shown up.  Tidy Bowl kept shouting “On-on!” into the dark (as if that would help).  Ready Whip and her virgin even procured a ride to the end!  Damn, that’s some lazy bitches!  We had to wait like 15 minutes for the rest of them to finally shuffle miserably to the finish (the whores).  See, once again, there’s those legendary VooDoo trailblazing skills in action.  No matter where the real trail goes, we’ll always find some way to make our own trail!  The DFLs claim they followed a mis-marked check… hmmm.  We may never know the truth.

Strangely enough, despite his lack of vision (and abundance of injuries), Lack-a-Virgin ended up as the FRB.  Go figure.  However, there was a large pack just behind him.  Our FBI, fittingly enough, will remain a mystery because the COWARD wouldn’t reveal herself! After thinking about it, I seem to recall the First Bitches In were Whole Lotta Cum and that new hasher.  But all the witnesses were oblivious and, like they say, innocent until proven guilty by trial of gravity, right?

The circle had a lot of activity this evening! (and I must say our RA, Pastor Bait-Her, did an excellent job reigning in the ruckus).  First of all, we had five, count ‘em FIVE, hash virgins in attendance!!  Actually, we had a whopping SIX, but we sent one of them to the HOSPITAL! (hooray?)  Then we had a quick round of accusations; no one was accused of any crimes on trail, but Bend Over Rover and Anchor Spanker were latecoming bastards tonight (the second time in a row for Bend Over Rover), so they were called out for that.  And Lack-a-Virgin and Queef Meter had their vessels returned to them, because the dumbasses left them at last week’s hash.  Let’s have a more hearty round of accusations next time, folks, whaddya say?  Our kennel doesn’t have nearly enough bickering and hootenanny.  Like mother always said, “You can make anyone chug beer, if only you put your mind to it.  Holding them at gunpoint helps, too.”  I had an offbeat mother.

Finally, we had a positively absurd amount of awards:  someone (can’t recall who) came to the VooDoo more than 5 times, so they got their very own cheaptastic Mexican candle!  Next, three of our loyal constituents have graced us with their presence MORE THAN 25 TIMES, so they were rewarded with their very own piece of gris-gris, which was a souvenir alligator foot.  Two of our recently-named hashers were in attendance today, so they received their hash necklaces, hand-crafted by our Haberdasher, Wee-Blow Master.  Finally, saving the best for last, we brought Fill Me Up herself into the circle to reward her with a VooDoo rosary for hashing with us MORE THAN 50 TIMES!!! We love our Hi Priestess!!

On-On,
Lack-a-Virgin, Hey!